


Directors Commentary - Phan

by punkeduplester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Actor!Phil, M/M, Phan - Freeform, director!dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 09:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5370923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkeduplester/pseuds/punkeduplester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Up-and-coming director (and writer) Daniel Howell has just released his first film. Based loosely on his past, it reflects the moments he used to spend with his deceased fiancé. Hinting at tiny insights into the life of a lonely, over-metaphorical man trying to find his place in the world.</p>
<p>Almost long-forgotten childhood actor Philip Lester is trying to rekindle his career in the entertainment business. He is to be the lead actor in Daniel's movie, portraying Daniel himself. He is to star alongside Jack Howard, an ex partner who is to play the role of Daniel's deceased fiancé.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue ; daniel

"Will you marry me?" Dan whispered to Evan.

"Of course," He whispered back, pressing their foreheads together. Dan let out a sigh of relief that he didn't realise he'd been holding in.

"Did you really think I was going to say no?" Evan's loud American accent slicing through the serene silence.

"Uh, kind of, yeah... You know, I love you, and I was just scared that you'd break my little, British heart. I've never been in love before, remember?" Dan reminded him, wrapping his long arms around his fiancé.

"I'm glad to be your first, and your last, then." Evan leant in, placing a quick, but meaningful kiss on the other mans lips.

"I love you."

"I love you too."


	2. prologue ; philip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Up-and-coming director (and writer) Daniel Howell has just released his first film.  
> Based loosely on his past, it reflects the moments he used to spend with his deceased fiancé. Hinting at tiny insights into the life of a lonely, over-metaphorical man trying to find his place in the world.
> 
> Almost long-forgotten childhood actor Philip Lester is trying to rekindle his career in the entertainment business. He is to be the lead actor in Daniel's movie, portraying Daniel himself. He is to star alongside Jack Howard, an ex partner who is to play the role of Daniel's deceased fiancé.

"But, dad!" Sixteen-year-old Phil whined.

"No, Phil! That's final! You are not doing this acting stuff any more, it has started interfering with your school life!" Phil sighed, his dad did have a point. He couldn't even go to maths class on Wednesday afternoon without having students either jeering at him, or mobbing him.

"Fine, fine." Phil gave in, and it was his fathers turn to sigh - out of relief. "When I finish this last movie, I really want to do it, dad. I mean, The Lizzie McGuire Movie is going to be huge, you know that! I mean, the show was a success, why won't the movie be! I loved filming the show, and Hilary and I are really, really good friends. Then, after the movie there is only one season left of the show. Please, dad." Phil pleaded. He had landed the role of 'Gordo' in early 2000, when Disney was getting hyped for all it's new shows.

"Fine, only because they would have to cancel the show without you." Phil's dad caved, he knew how much Phil loved his acting career. Phil rushed to his father and hugged him as tight as he could.

"You won't regret this, I promise!" Phil whispered to his father, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.


	3. one ; mistakes and retakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Up-and-coming director (and writer) Daniel Howell has just released his first film.  
> Based loosely on his past, it reflects the moments he used to spend with his deceased fiancé. Hinting at tiny insights into the life of a lonely, over-metaphorical man trying to find his place in the world.
> 
> Almost long-forgotten childhood actor Philip Lester is trying to rekindle his career in the entertainment business. He is to be the lead actor in Daniel's movie, portraying Daniel himself. He is to star alongside Jack Howard, an ex partner who is to play the role of Daniel's deceased fiancé.

**_Clap_ **

_The loud sound resonates throughout the once quiet east end of Oxford Street. His movie, 'Smashed Hearts, Broken Lungs & Extinguished Lives,' was premiering at the YouTube space in London. Claps and smacks bounced off of the surrounding buildings, the press buzzing with excitement. _

_Aden watches on from the heavily tinted windows of the limousine, the havoc splaying itself out in front of him. The car stops, he takes a deep breath, the car door opens, and he is thrown into the deep end. He conjures up his famous dimpled smile, flashing it at the cameras and fans._

**_'Aden! No special man tonight?'_ **

**_'Where's the lucky man you based this off?'_ **

**_'Where's your boyfriend?'_ **

_Aden cuts him off. "That'd be him now..." And he turns around, and sure enough, smirking, arms spread wide, there stands Michael Reed. "_

_Talking about me? Only good things, I hope!" He strides over to where Aden is standing. "How are you? You look absolutely handsome tonight, Aden." He presses a light kiss to Aden's cheek, lingering close to his face before pulling away._

_"_ _Why thank you, Mikey, I really did try my hardest. I'm great, on top of the world, terrific, and any other synonym for the world happy. How about you? Are you happy?" Aden asked, linking his arms with the other man, continuing their walk down the red carpet._

_"As happy as ever! Now, turn, paparazzi on the left." He turned the two of them to face the press, flashing large smiles that brightened to their eyes, arms still linked._

_Aden turned his head to look at Michael, leaning in closer to his ear, a bright glint in his eyes, or maybe it was just the reflection from the cameras flashing. "You look gorgeous, babe." He whispered, just loud enough for Michael to hear, making him blush a dark shade of red._

**_'What was that Aden just whispered in your ear, Michael?'_ **

**_'Lovers in paradise, watch out!' '_ **

**_Must've been something dirty, knowing Aden! We all know Michael's the innocent one, even if he is older!'_ **

**_'It is a such B-list movie anyway, Aden Lewis is just another over-emotional faggot. And his boyfriend is just ugly and Aden could do so much better, honestly.'_ **

_Aden turned his head to look at the person that said the last comment. "Excuse me?" He unlinked his arm, walking towards the man, Michael pulling on his arm, Aden shaking him off. "Who do you think you are to come to the premiere of this film, saying things like that about my amazingly talented, funny, sexy as fuck, adorable, gorgeous boyfriend! Say whatever you want about me, I don't care, but don't ever think about saying things like that about Michael ever again, got it? I will make sure you're put out of a job for a long, long time."_

_Aden turned to Michael, pulling him into a long kiss. Foreheads still pressed together, Michael reachers into the pocket of his black skinny jeans._

_"Marry me?" Aden looked Michael right in the eyes._

_"Of course, you spork."_

_"Way to ruin the moment, you imbecile."_

_"Who even uses that word anymore, god, you're so old fashioned, you're almost like my Grandma."_

_"_ _Your Grandma is great, I will take that as a compliment!"_

_"Take however you want, Mikey."_

  

_–_

 

**'SCENE'**

Dan shouted. "That was perfect, guys, really amazing. Now, break time!"

Everyone started walking around the set, moving cameras, adjusting lights, that kind of thing. Phil Lester walked off set, shrugging his heavy blazer off of his shoulders, he needed time to think. He walked outside of the building, the sky was dark and grey, clouding over worryingly fast.

"Hey, Lester!" A familiar voice called out to him. Phil rolled his eyes, still walking forward, pretending that he hadn't heard the person. Large rain drops started falling, Phil cringed, he didn't fancy getting drenched on a shoot day. "That was a pretty good kiss, babe."

"Don't ever call me that, we are nothing anymore. Okay? Good? Bye!" Phil walked off, leaving a very confused Jack Howard standing alone, in the pouring rain (Phil didn't regret it one bit).

Dan stood watching the strange interaction from the safety of the big industrial building they were filming in that day. The whole set of the red carpet was fake, built up in a few days time from wooden sets and paint. He heard the front door to the building slam, signalling someone had just entered the waiting room.

"Are you okay?" Dan asked quietly when Phil came closer. "Not really..." Phil sighed, flopping himself onto the armchair opposite Dan.

"You are doing really well, considering you haven't been acting in anything for a while." Dan noted, not expecting an answer, and not getting one. They sat in silence, watching the rain patter down, making pleasant sounds as it made contact with the tin roof of the waiting room. "Are you okay, Dan? I mean, this movie is so deep and emotional, you couldn't just imagine something like this. This," Phil gestured to the equipment and scripts around him. “Doesn't just come from ideas and thoughts, it comes from emotional ties and broken hearts. Are _you_ okay, Dan?"

"As a wise man once said, 'not really...'"

"What happened that made you feel all of this?" Phil pressed, he wanted to understand his character, Aden Lewis, as much as possible. Why he _felt_ the way he did, why he _acted_ the way he did, why he loved the way he did. _Why he existed the way he did._

"My fiancé, Evan, he passed away from a brain tumour about a year or so ago now. Tomorrow was supposed to be the day of the wedding, now it's a day to bury myself in as much work as possible. I mean, I'd never been in love before him, and I haven't felt the same after he passed, either.

"It's a strange concept, love that is. It's all metaphors, unending happiness, all that sappy crap, and I'm a sucker for stuff like that, I really am. But, in another sense, love is terrible. We get so used to being acquainted with the idea of someone being there forever, then, suddenly, as if it were a dream, they're gone. Laughing and happy one day, crying and broken the next.

"That's the thing about illnesses, no one wants them, so they decide to go to the people that don't deserve to die." Dan let a few tears slip down his cheeks, he was allowed to be sad, the love of his life was dyin– dead.The love of his life was dead.

"Dan, I am so sorry. I had no idea what this all meant to you. So the scene we just filmed was–" Dan cut Phil off.

"My fantasy, yeah. My imagination of us at the premiere of this movie, and he would be so proud of me, and I would be so in love with him. It would be perfect. Goddammit, perfect!" Dan slammed his fist down on the coffee table separating himself and Phil. His anger turned into sadness, and he burst into tears, long waves of uneasiness cascading down his face. "I'm– I've... I've got to go, see you later..."

And with that, Dan Howell ran away from Phil Lester.

And now, it was Phil's turn to be confused.

 

-

 

"Right, is everyone ready to roll?" Dan shouted, leaning back in his chair. "Dodie? PJ? Chris? Louise? Zoe? Is everyone ready?"

"Yep!" Zoe called, pulling Phil's shirt down a bit further.

"Make-up is ready, Dan!" Louise said as she added a line of light red to Phil's face.

"Cameras are good!" PJ stated, standing back and looking at the screen.

"Props are set up right, I think..." Chris trailed off, moving to stand next to PJ.

"And, we are good to go, Danny!" Dodie, the producer, said while nodding.

"Great! Everyone try their hardest, and don't worry if you stuff up, okay? Phil, Jack, you two ready?" Dan encouraged, he needed to get this scene finished as soon as possible. It was three a.m. and everyone was feeling the effects of fatigue. They'd all be up for the past two hours, working in the empty streets of a housing commission in north London. It had just started to rain, which was perfect as they no longer needed the rain effects.

"U-huh. I'm ready!" Phil said cheerily, which looked quite strange coming from someone whose make-up was a tear-streaked face.

"Yeah, I'm alright, too." Jack replied, unenthusiastically.

"Oh, cut the attitude, Howard! For god's sake, it's cutting into your acting as well! We are so, so close to recasting your role. It's not too late, and you know it, Jack." Dan walked over to Jack, standing stock still in front of him.

"Y–yes, Dan. Of–of course." Jack gulped, everyone in the room went dead quiet.

"Good." Dan smile was sickeningly sweet. He turned to walk away before stopping himself. "Oh, and another thing, just really quick."

"Yes, Dan." Jack feigned confidence, but his shaking hands said otherwise.

"Stop harassing Phil, if he says it's over, it's over. And if anyone knows the definition of 'over' better than me, then go ahead, continue shamelessly flirting with a man that doesn't want to return the feelings." He then turned back to the rest of the cast and crew. "Everyone ready? Good! Let's get this show on the road!"

And, just like that, the once quiet street was buzzing with life again.

 

-

 

_"How could you?" Aden whispered, keeping his gaze fixed on the quiet houses on the other side of the road. "Why would you keep this from me for so long?" Tears started to slip down his face, salty tears mixing with fresh rainwater._

_"I didn't want to hurt you, god, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I was going to tell you, honest." Michael cried as well, turning Aden's head to face his own, pressing his wet forehead to Aden's. "_ _I love you."_

_"I love you, too. We can deal with this, we can. You can."_

_"As long as I'm with you, it'll be fine." A comfortable silence settled over the two, the rain becoming heavier and heavier. The only other sounds that could be heard were Aden's sniffles as he cried into Michael's shoulder._

_"What type?" Aden leant into Michaels ear and asked._

_"_ _Lungs, kidney, a little bit of thyroid. But, hey, I'll be fine. We'll get married, and we'll start a family like you always wanted. This is just a little bump in the road, chemo will be the next, then radiation therapy, but we'll get through it."_

_"Of course we will, we always do. This time won't be any different form the last."_

 

_-_

 

**_'_ SCENE _'_**

"Wow, that was– that was really something..." Dan tried to keep his voice steady, except it cracked halfway through the sentence, alerting everyone he had been crying. "Gr– great job, guys. Um, I'll be back, Caspar if you could grab me a coffee, that'd be great, thanks."

Dan walked was everyone else on the set, wiping away his stray tears as he made his way to one of the houses set up for their shoot. As soon as he stood inside the house he burst into tears, loud sobs breaking the air, patters of his tears hitting the floor. He sunk to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

There was a soft knock on the door, Dan called a half-hearted 'come in' to the person on the other side.

"Hey, it's me." Phil whispered to Dan as he sat down next to him. "I just came to see if you needed a friend right now. I've been told I have very good, broad shoulders to cry on." He said matter-of-factly.

Dan let out a strangled laugh, looking up at Phil with reddened eyes, puffy with sadness and sanity. Phil down at Dan, meeting his eyes, giving him a pitiful smile.

"Come 'ere, you sap." Phil opened his arms, inviting Dan to burrow into his warm embrace. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, kinda..." Dan told Phil's collarbone.

"Go ahead, I'm all ears, Danny boy."

"That was exactly how he told me." Dan sniffled.

"You didn't have to watch, Dodie could've approved it for you, if she knew it was that bad she would have forced you not to watch."

"That's why I didn't say anything. I need to prove to myself that I can get over him." Phil gently tugged Dan's head out of it hidey-hole in his shirt.

"Would it be wrong of me to kiss you, right now?" Phil whispered so quietly that Dan almost didn't hear him.

"I'm not sure... Well, as the director I'd tell you to stop flirting with members of the crew, but as Dan I'm telling you to hurry up before I beat you to it." Phil closed the gap between the two of them.

 

-

 

"Would you go on a date with me?" Phil asked, his lips still pressed to Dan's.

"Yeah, of course. Can we kiss again?"

"Thought you'd never ask." Phil leaned in again, kissing Dan slowly.

"Oh, Dan I got you–" The two pulled apart quickly, but Dan had somehow ended up in Phil's lap when they kissed, so it didn't look any more convincing that they weren't doing anything.

"Do you want me to go, or?" Caspar asked awkwardly, lingering in the doorway.

"I–um, no, it's fine. Just pass me my coffee, I'll be back out in a few minutes." Dan said to Caspar as he left.

"What was that?" Phil asked after Caspar had left.

"I'm not sure, but I liked it. Like, a lot."

"Me too." 


End file.
